Dutch magazine ‘Vriendin’
WishesYou can read the original Dutch article, “Een heerlijke man met een prijskaartje,” as published in the magazine Vriendin here. The English translation is provided below.
‘A delightful man – with a price tag..’
Elisa (41)
My husband passed away last June after a year and a half of illness. We’d been together since we were 17 – he was my first true love. We didn’t have children. Once we knew he wouldn’t recover, we entered a deeply emotional and meaningful period together, where we had the chance to say goodbye in our own way. I wasn’t afraid of being alone. A strange kind of inner strength came over me, as if something deep inside told me I had to carry on.
Before he passed, we talked about what life might look like for me after he was gone. He told me he wanted me to be happy again. Hearing those words from him meant the world. I was surprised at how soon I wanted to be intimate again after he passed. In his final months, that wasn’t possible, he was too ill, but we still found comfort in tender, loving hugs. When even those moments faded, I realized I wanted to feel satisfied again, in every way.
Need for sex
About six months later, I discovered that it was possible. I’m not looking for a relationship, I’m just not ready, but I do want sex. I wasn’t actively searching, though. I didn’t want to just pick someone off the street, so to speak.
The idea of hiring a gigolo came to me quite by chance. I was browsing for a singles vacation when I noticed a small ad on the side of the screen that simply said “enjoy.” I clicked immediately and realized it was a gigolo’s website. That sparked my curiosity. For about six weeks, I kept returning to the site, following what was new. Every time, I got butterflies in my stomach. And then I thought, You know what? I’m just going to do it!
Thrilling
Everything about it felt exciting. When I emailed the gigolo, he replied quickly. That same day, he mentioned that an evening appointment had just been cancelled – and asked if I’d be open to meeting sooner. He was happy to come to me. I didn’t see his message until the next day, but after that, we exchanged a few more emails. He even sent me some photos. By then, I could already imagine how it might all play out. His words were so enticing that I agreed to meet him the very next day.
I didn’t want to meet in a hotel, that just felt too impersonal, and I thought it would be better to stay in the comfort of my own home. But that also meant opening myself up – both literally and emotionally. Having a man in my house for the first time since my husband passed away felt like a big step, and I wasn’t sure how I’d handle it.
The night he arrived, I was nervous. I kept pacing around the house. When the doorbell rang, I knew it had to be him. We shook hands and exchanged three kisses. We started with a cup of coffee. Since I had already mentioned in my emails that I’d been widowed for six months, he gently brought it up himself. That moment was quite emotional for me.
Comfortable
I didn’t have much experience with other men — I’d been with my husband since I was seventeen — but he truly put me at ease. He said all the right things, made me feel comfortable, and helped me move past my insecurities surprisingly quickly. He started by gently holding my hand, then slid his arm around me.
Then he suggested we’d begin with a massage while I stayed in my underwear – but that part never happened. We went to my bedroom and stood there together, still fully dressed at first. Being in his arms felt so good. Then we slowly undressed, and we just had sex.
I didn’t think about my husband during the experience – fortunately, the gigolo looked completely different from him. The first time, I was a bit reserved, still guarded. But it was so nice that I wanted to meet him again. By the second time, of course, I knew him a little better and was able to relax more. That’s when a lot of emotions came out, and I even cried.
Intimacy & sex
Still, I never felt guilty about wanting intimacy and sex again. I consciously chose to seek attention and connection, nothing more. I could tell this was René’s area of expertise; he’s clearly experienced with this kind of situation. He knew exactly what I liked. I found it quite astonishing that he could maintain an erection for three hours, something I had never experienced before.
The only thing I found awkward was the payment at the end. The first time, we showered together afterward. I got out a little earlier, put on my bathrobe, and while he was getting dressed, I quietly placed the money on the table. Even though I knew it was part of the job, it still felt strange.
After meeting him three times, I haven’t seen him again. The need was there, but it has passed for now. I’m very focused on getting my life back on track after my husband’s death. But maybe it will come up again.
Amazing
I told some friends that I had hired a gigolo because I didn’t want to carry this secret alone. They all reacted the same way: they thought it was amazing that I did it, saying it was ten times better than just picking someone off the street and not knowing who you’re bringing into your home.
Honestly, I’m surprised I did it myself because it was never something I would have considered before. Now, I’m proud of myself, I think I handled it well. It’s a great way to find warmth without the stress of texting and calling that often comes with dating.
I was looking for intimacy and closeness, and that’s exactly what I got – 100 percent.
Desire to pamper
René (38)
The gigolo in question is René, a 38-year-old bachelor.
“By day, I’m self-employed, but in my free time, I work as a gigolo. It wasn’t an overnight decision – I had a long journey before getting here. When I was 21, I met the woman I lived with for fourteen years. After two years, she suffered a burnout from work. She suggested that maybe I could look for sex outside our relationship occasionally, since she wasn’t really interested at the time. I was shocked, that idea had never even crossed my mind.
Love & affection
Over the weeks that followed, we talked it through. She believed I wouldn’t be happy going months without sex. Looking back, I realize it would have been a real challenge – we went without intimacy for two years during her burnout. She explained that she could separate love and affection from sex and desire. In her younger years, she had many boyfriends and one-night stands. She values emotional fidelity but is very open on the sexual side.
Through a friend, I found out about a swingers club that welcomes single men. After my first visit, I was hooked, it was like heaven on earth for me. I started going almost every Friday as a perfect way to kick off the weekend. The next morning, I told my girlfriend all about it. She loved the idea and gave me her full support.
Swingers clubs
When she felt better after those two years, I asked if she wanted to join me. Over the following years, we regularly visited clubs in the Netherlands and Germany, about twice a month on average. Our relationship eventually ended, but it had nothing to do with our open lifestyle. We still see each other weekly, and usually go to a swingers club together once a month, even though we’re no longer intimate.
One day, I read a magazine article where a woman complained about how hard it was to find a good gigolo. I showed it to my ex, and she immediately said I should give it a try.
Satisfaction
I’ve always loved pampering women – it genuinely gives me satisfaction. I found it exciting to explore what the world of gigolos was really like and whether it would suit me. Eventually, I decided to have a professional website built and chose a rate that would make it easier for women to take that first step: three hundred euros for an evening. Once you subtract travel costs, there’s not much left over, but that’s fine. I also do it for personal enjoyment: I simply enjoy having a good time between the sheets with a woman.
Having been intimate with quite a few women – especially through the swingers scene – and having received many compliments on the way I make love, I wasn’t worried about whether I could handle the job. My ex-girlfriend really encouraged me to go through with it.
A big step
I understand that for many women, reaching out to a gigolo can feel like a big step. That’s why I always start with email contact. A lot of women tell me they hesitated for a long time before finally writing, and that they didn’t feel comfortable picking someone up in a bar. For them, booking time with me is a much more appealing alternative.
Wishes & boundaries
The email exchange helps build a connection before we make any firm arrangements. I usually start by sending a few photos, first without my face, then later with my face and in underwear. Through those conversations, I also get a sense of her wishes, boundaries, and level of experience.
In about three-quarters of the cases, I visit women at their home. Otherwise, we meet in a hotel.
My clients generally fall into four categories: single women, couples who are curious about trying a threesome, divorced women, and married women in unhappy relationships. Each group makes up roughly the same portion of my clientele.”
Chatting
I’ve always had a healthy, uncomplicated sex life. Because of that, I never really realized how many women have had negative or difficult erotic experiences. Working as a gigolo opened my eyes to that. I discovered that many women carry some form of trauma or emotional blockage.
It brings me real satisfaction to help them rediscover pleasure – with warmth, care, and tenderness. I’m not a therapist, but I always suggest starting with a conversation. That helps break the ice. From there, I usually give a relaxing massage, which gradually turns erotic and eventually leads to sex. Afterward, we often lie in bed and talk, then maybe have a drink or a coffee together in the living room.
In the days following a session, I usually exchange a few emails. I often give compliments to help boost their confidence and self-image – that small encouragement can make a big difference. I’ve seen that I can truly help women. I’ll never forget one young woman who had shut down emotionally due to past abuse. Being able to help her feel pleasure again is something that will always stay with me.
Fun in bed!
But I want to be clear, I’m not here to fix anyone’s problems. That’s not something I can do in just four hours. And not every client comes to me with emotional pain. About half of all appointments are simply about lust and fun in bed.
As said, I also do this for the thrill. Some people play football twice a week, I do this. And every time I ring the doorbell, I still feel that little rush of excitement. I always find something attractive in every woman, even in those who may not match conventional beauty standards.
Since becoming a gigolo, I haven’t been in a relationship. But I’m open to it. And if I were to meet someone and she asked me to stop, I would. I’d feel a bit sad about it, but I’d completely understand that it might be too much for her to accept.
Bucket list
Irene (39)
Irene is one of the women who uses René’s services.
Four years ago, I got divorced. I’ve always had a kind of bucket list, things I wanted to experience at some point – and yes, hiring a gigolo was right there on it! It seemed like a great way to add some extra excitement to my sex life. I thought it would be amazing to really feel like a woman again.
About six months ago, I read an article about René, and I thought: I’m going to email him. At that point, I didn’t even know what he looked like. Just the act of making contact and arranging a meeting felt thrilling. What I struggled with most was the idea of paying for sex. I kept asking myself why it’s so common for men to visit sex workers, while for women it feels so taboo. I think it’s because women tend to overthink, we analyze everything, while men are more likely to just go for it if it feels good.
Our email exchange was really pleasant. René was respectful and reassuring, and the photos he sent were tasteful – nothing vulgar at all. That helped me feel at ease.
Warm, respectful lover
When he finally showed up at my door, I felt safe. Still, waiting for the doorbell to ring was nerve-wracking. You know exactly why he’s coming, but he’s still a total stranger. Thankfully, he turned out to be a warm, respectful lover who clearly knows what he’s doing.
I had been anxious about the payment part. I’d originally planned to get it out of the way right at the start, but it didn’t happen that way, it ended up being afterward. In the moment, I was fine with it. After all, you pay at the end of a massage or facial, too. And this is something I’ve decided I’m allowed to do for myself.
At first, I saw him twice a week, but now it’s once a month. My friends and even my brother know about it. I’m pretty open about it, and they’re supportive. They think it’s great that I’m doing something for myself. I once joked to René, ‘Every man after you is going to have a problem.’ He’s just that lovely. He makes me feel seen, desired – as a real woman. I feel genuinely cared for.
Of course, sex with a gigolo isn’t the same as making love with a partner. There’s no deep emotional connection or love behind it, but it is really good, really fun sex. In some ways, it even feels therapeutic. He’s fully present for me, and that’s what I’m paying for. I can open up completely, and we also have meaningful conversations. Sometimes it’s hard not to see him as a friend, but I know that’s where the boundary has to be. That’s just not how this works.
Self-care
At the end of the evening, when I pay him, I always take a moment to reflect on what the past few hours have meant to me. I’ve had a beautiful evening and taken care of myself in a way that matters. Because to me, good, intense sex is just as important as any other kind of self-care. This is something I give myself, because if I don’t, I’m shortchanging myself.