Dutch magazine ‘Mijn Geheim’
The original Dutch article “Mijn leven als gigolo,” from the magazine Mijn Geheim, can be read here. Written by Marjolein Straatman. The English translation of the article is provided below.
My life as a gigolo
René has a real passion for pleasing women
René (35) has a rather unique profession. Several times a week, he visits women who hire him as a gigolo. No one knows about this – except his ex-girlfriend and his clients. “It doesn’t take much to get the neighborhood talking,” René says.
The first time I visited a woman as a gigolo, I made the mistake of moving too fast. I was used to women in swingers’ clubs; confident, assertive, taking the lead. But this was a completely different setting. That first time wasn’t a success, and I didn’t charge her for it.
Cloud nine
The second date was a great success. It was with a couple, and the woman looked absolutely stunning. The evening went exactly as planned, and I even got paid for it! I was on cloud nine for days afterward.
You learn as you go, of course. I’ve come to understand that women usually need more time to get in the mood than men. And because I care about quality, I always plan about three to four hours per appointment. I follow my heart, it tends to lead the way. I’m well aware that a first date with a gigolo can feel nerve-racking for many women. Sometimes, to calm their nerves, a woman will drink a little too much beforehand. That can be tricky for me, because half-drunk women don’t exactly put me in the mood.
Gentle & sweet
I’m good-looking, well-groomed, polite, friendly, and I have a sense of humor. I’m not the macho or dominant type – more gentle and sweet. I take good care of my hygiene, avoid health risks, and always make sure to bring condoms with me.
It goes without saying that I always treat the women I meet with care, respect, love, and warmth. Sometimes, a date simply means listening or holding hands, if that’s what they need. Sometimes it’s a gentle caress, a hug, or simply offering a shoulder to cry on. And other times, we make love, explore a role-play, or bring a fantasy to life.
As I said, taking that step feels much bigger for women than it does for men. Usually, it all begins with a few emails or messages exchanged before an appointment is even made. I send photos of myself, first without showing my face, then with my face, and finally in underwear. Through these emails, I already get a sense of the woman’s experiences and desires. Most dates happen at the woman’s home, while the rest take place in hotels.
Who book me?
It’s a very diverse group. There are single women aged 25 to 35, usually looking to gain sexual experience and find the idea of meeting a gigolo thrilling. Then there are couples – often young and modern – who want to add a threesome as icing on the cake. Sometimes the man enjoys watching his partner with another guy, which she also finds exciting. Usually, these couples have strong relationships, which makes things easier for me too.
There’s also a large group of recently divorced women with young children who want to reconnect with intimacy. Finally, some women feel stuck in unhappy relationships or with partners who have demanding jobs and little time for them. They’re bored and seeking excitement.
I always take plenty of time for a date and usually suggest starting with a non-erotic relaxation massage to help unwind. If everything feels right and the lady is interested, we move on to an erotic massage. What happens next depends entirely on her – we take all the time we need!
Sometimes I’m also booked by women who are less sexually active or who have a history of sexual trauma. Of course, I can’t fix psychological wounds in just a few hours, but it’s incredibly rewarding when these women start enjoying themselves again. That brings me a lot of satisfaction.
On average, I have about two dates a week, half of which are repeat clients. About half take place on weekends, the rest during weekdays. Being self-employed and without children makes this job easier, and I’m basically available seven days a week, 24/7.
Taboo
How do I feel about making love to strangers? It’s no problem for me. I don’t mind being with women who aren’t traditionally attractive – good hygiene and respect matter far more. Occasionally, I receive vulgar emails or calls, but I ignore those, and they never lead to appointments.
Besides my clients, only my ex-girlfriend Anneke knows about this job. We’ve never told anyone about our visits to swingers’ clubs, so this gigolo work remains our little secret too. I’m well aware of the taboo around gigolos, which is odd given how often ladies of pleasure are visited every year in the Netherlands.
I truly believe every woman could benefit from spending a few hours with a good, experienced lover. Unfortunately, for most women, that just doesn’t happen, and that’s a real shame. Having an orgasm during lovemaking isn’t guaranteed for all women either. And, I’m sorry to say, most men simply don’t understand how women want to be loved and touched.
Embracing sexuality
Unfortunately, even in our liberal and modern country, it’s still not common for women to simply book an appointment with a man like me. Women happily schedule time with their hairdresser or beautician, indulge in spa treatments. So why not in the erotic realm? I love seeing women embrace and enjoy their sexuality, and it saddens me that 9 out of 10 don’t allow themselves to experience an erotic date.
There are few downsides to this job. The main one is the long hours spent driving to appointments, which often means getting to bed late. It’s also hard when a husband shows little respect for his wife, but I choose to stay silent about that.
Thanks to the contact I have with potential clients before an appointment, I’m usually able to separate the wheat from the chaff. Fortunately, I haven’t encountered any truly bad experiences so far. In my opinion, the downsides don’t come close to outweighing the positives. Every new appointment is exciting and gives me a real thrill.
Naughty fun
I don’t see my work as a gigolo or keeping a double life just because no one else knows about it. Twice a week, I ‘go out and do something different’ than most people, and I really enjoy that. One of my dates recently said to me, ‘I make love to my husband, but with you, it’s all about having naughty fun between the sheets.’ I thought that was a beautiful way to put it. That’s exactly how I see it too. I spend a few hours having fun with a woman, and when she looks back on it, she should have a smile on her face. It’s exciting – you never know who or what you’re going to encounter.
‘I make love to my husband, but with you, it’s all about having naughty fun between the sheets’
But personal sex life is still a taboo for many today, and I’m not sure how my ‘regular customers’ would react if they knew what job I have. I definitely don’t want to take the risk of them reacting strangely or negatively. Besides, I live in a fairly small community where everyone knows everyone else. That’s why I keep this to myself. Most people who visit swingers’ clubs do the same.
Paid lover
Luckily, in my life as a paid lover, I’ve never run into anyone I know, but in theory, an acquaintance could hire me. If that happened, I see two possibilities: either I leave and we pretend we never saw each other, or we go through with it and share a secret forever. I’ve never bumped into a date on the street, so I don’t know what that would feel like.
Over the years of visiting swingers’ clubs, I have met a few acquaintances, but it never made me uncomfortable. There’s one person I often see through my regular job, and we just greet each other politely – almost like an unspoken code of confidentiality.
Intimacy
I’m not in a relationship at the moment, but I’m definitely open to it. And I do believe it’s possible to combine a relationship with my work as a gigolo. After all, intimacy is something you share in a relationship – and so do I. You’re there for each other, in good times and bad.
For me, visiting swingers’ clubs and working as a gigolo are separate from that. In my previous relationship, we were able to keep those things apart, and it worked well. So I don’t expect any real issues in a future relationship. I know the two can go hand in hand.
My ex-girlfriend and I always saw swingers’ clubs as a form of relaxation. We both loved it – getting dressed up, going out, enjoying a meal, dancing, flirting a little…and sometimes more. Partner swapping might be unthinkable for some, but to me, it’s just playful fun.
Dream
As for the future? I’d love to become a full-time gigolo one day, turning my passion into a profession. But for now, that’s still just a dream. Sometimes I imagine myself in a retirement home someday, telling people about this part of my life. I bet they’ll think I’ve gone senile!