Experience: In a relationship, but…
….book a gigolo anyway?
Sometimes, just like that, I type a word into Google. A word that reflects how I feel in that moment. Like happy, restless, or excited. It’s always a bit surprising to see what comes up or where you end up. Today, I typed in the word gigolo. Not something I really thought through, but more a spontaneous move, triggered by a general sense of dissatisfaction. Dissatisfaction with my sex life.
I have a very sweet husband and we truly enjoy each other’s company, but sexually, we’re just not in sync. We’ve been together for over 22 years now, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. The sense of powerlessness keeps growing though, and suppressing my sexual desires only makes it worse.
Sweetheart
A long time ago, I cheated, during a phase where it was unclear whether we’d stay together or not. But it brought more restlessness and sadness than pleasure. And honestly, it feels disrespectful to each other, especially since it almost always involves someone you know. Still, I stand by the choice I made back then: I chose my sweetheart. The clear agreement never to do this again is actually easy to stick to, as long as it’s a decision you truly make for yourself.
My 48th birthday is coming up and I’ve recently come out of a burnout. Slowly, peace is returning and so are my intense feelings of desire. Over the years, I’ve become something of a pro at pleasuring myself, and that’s fine. You really get to know your body, you can have the wildest fantasies, and you create your own dream world.
But more and more often, I started to feel empty afterwards. Yes, I’m getting older with everything that comes with it, and I’m completely okay with that. Except for one thing: Will I never be loved the way I want to be loved? Is this it, for the rest of my life? I miss the feeling of enjoying something together so deeply. That feeling kept growing. And so did my biggest fear: that I might cheat again.
Because of my company, I meet a lot of men. And believe me, men, married or not, are often more than willing to try and seduce you. Thankfully, I’ve always been clear about my boundaries and that has taken away a lot of the tension. Still, I stopped trusting myself.
Gigolo
Okay, so I typed in the word gigolo. You end up on all sorts of sites, with articles and profiles of gigolos. Very interesting to read, very exciting even, and I kept reading. Especially on René’s site. All those testimonials…and I noticed something surprising: I started to feel jealous. Jealous of those women who had already had such an amazing experience. That feeling grew quickly. Not over days, but over minutes. Could this be the solution for me?
Because yes, I have my company and this wonderful relationship, so there’s a lot at stake. That’s why it felt incredibly important that it would be someone truly reliable. I also noticed something else. This didn’t feel as disrespectful as cheating. The gigolo doesn’t know my partner, the purpose is clear, and there are no emotional strings attached.
As these thoughts were swirling around in my head, I suddenly realised I was already typing. Yes, I was already writing to René, and before I knew it, we were exchanging emails. It felt liberating. The nice thing about email is that it gives you the space to say more, to be a little bolder.
As he promised, you receive photos after the first contact. And how wonderful it was to see such a smiling, charming man who instantly sparks your imagination. I got all excited, and before I knew it, I was telling him about my wishes and fantasies. And well…the send button was clicked before I could even hesitate.
Awakening & desire
But I was mortified once I came to my senses. Oh god – all that lust had come pouring out and now I wanted to take it all back. Luckily, René replied with a kind and reassuring email. He told me it was okay, that my awakening and desire were welcome, and he handled it all with so much respect.
I was amazed at myself for sharing such intimate desires with someone who was still a complete stranger. But maybe that’s exactly why it happened. There’s no pressure to come across a certain way. No fear of asking too much or of ruining a relationship. Because René is there for you. And, if the testimonials were anything to go by, he’s a man with a lot of experience and skill. The appointment was set..
Unfortunately, I had to be patient before the day actually came into view. Of course, all kinds of thoughts start running through your mind. What will it be like, being with another man after all these years? Is it bad that I’m a little older now? I often found myself standing in front of the mirror, looking at myself more critically than usual. No, of course I’m not 20 anymore… It helped to ask myself how I would see it if the roles were reversed. Honestly, I’d much rather be with someone who lets go and enjoys the moment than with someone who looks flawless.
That thought gave me the courage I needed, and even with all my insecurities, I felt I could bring them with me to René. Sometimes, you just need that extra bit of support – and naming it helps. René brushed aside my doubts with such ease, even though he didn’t yet know what I looked like. That felt incredibly reassuring.
Anonymous
Now for an alibi…I’m off. I’ve scheduled a full day of clients and then I’m supposedly going out with my girlfriend. That way, the few lost hours won’t be noticed at home, lost hours that might just become the most precious hours of my day, if not my entire sex life.
After a morning and afternoon spent running back and forth, I really did have to rush to meet René. No, I didn’t have time to anticipate anything that day – I was completely in my head and disconnected from my body. Luckily, René had arranged everything for me: the hotel, the room number sent via text, and even instructions on how to go straight to the room…all completely anonymous.
After parking the car and walking quickly down the hallway, I felt my heart pounding and too many thoughts rushing through my mind. You know, I wasn’t even excited anymore. I just felt tension. It didn’t really seem necessary anymore. Why should I take the risk, after all?
But my approach is always this: better to make a wrong decision than no decision at all, so I kept going. I arrived at the door, raised my hand, made a fist to knock – and then I heard a sound. No, not from my hand, which was still hovering a few centimeters above the door. It was my heart. My heart was racing, and I couldn’t calm myself down. Suddenly, in a distracted moment, I felt my fist actually knocking on the door.
Wonderful man
The door opened, and a sweet, smiling, attractive man gave me a warm welcome and let me in. The lights were dimmed, candles were burning, and the room smelled pleasant. From the very first minute, he fulfilled my wishes, so I snuggled into his arms and held him tightly. Oh, how good he felt, how good he smelled. I didn’t even give him the chance to take off my cardigan. We held each other close, my heart still beating wildly, and René noticed it. His lovely voice spoke gently to me.
My heart goes from pounding with healthy tension to pounding with excitement. Ooh, what a wonderful man he is to hold. He has the gift of making you feel both excited and calm at the same time. I press myself against him, and he against me, and I feel his excitement. Still wearing my cardigan and now completely overheated, I fumble it off as quickly as possible, trying not to lose contact with him.
Fantasy
With our hips pressed together to feel each other as well as possible, he props me up against the wall. I feel lightheaded, and thankfully, the support of the wall keeps me from collapsing with excitement as he slowly unbuttons my blouse. I hadn’t put on my bra, because this was my fantasy. Breathing rapidly, I stood there, leaning against the wall with my blouse completely undone, my breasts exposed and ready to receive…
For a moment after I had written all my wishes to René I was afraid it might kill the spontaneity and excitement because after all it is nice to be surprised. But nothing could be further from the truth because René weaves your desires perfectly into a beautiful flow of sexual and sensual tension and everything feels completely natural. It unfolds just as it should. The details the timing the order I can’t quite explain because it is like one continuous wave of pleasure where everything blends together and no longer exists separately. The only thing left is to simply enjoy.
Blowjob
Leaning against the wall with my blouse open and gasping for breath I feel his hands, his mouth, his tongue – it’s amazing. My head no longer plays a role; it’s just my body. I let go of everything as fantasy and reality blend together. I feel his hands on my shoulders pushing me down firmly and without hesitation I drop to my knees.
With trembling fingers I loosen his belt and pants, removing anything in the way, and take his beautiful hard cock into my mouth. I feel his firm, muscular buttocks and completely lose myself in the blowjob. My tongue explores every curve. He’s so hard and stiff that it’s right up against his stomach, and I really have to fight to grab it and take it into my mouth. A delicious cock that I’m about to have so much fun with. I’m getting hornier and hornier and I can’t wait any longer, and René feels it, he feels what I need.
Take me!
With thrilling directness, he pushes me onto the bed, lifts my knees, and pulls me toward him forcefully by my thighs. The only thought I have left is, “Take me!” Oh yes, René, take me!! And yes, René can read minds, and I feel his delicious, stiff cock sliding inside me, deep, hard, and horny. He gives my pussy a chance to feel every sensation and holds still, deep inside me… God, that’s hot!!!
After this first wave of arousal, he starts moving. I feel his body on top of me, and he holds me tight and fucks me, fucking me so hard that I have a powerful orgasm faster than I’m used to. One of many more to come. I enjoy completely losing control. He’s the one who decides when I come; he knows exactly how to turn me on. His rhythm, his thrusts, the variation… being filled wonderfully…it’s indescribably good. I’m completely in heaven.
Orgasms
Then he lets his cock slide out of my pussy and before I’ve recovered I feel his firm hands on my legs, he turns my hips into a certain position and starts fingering me, so intense, so horny and he touches places I had never found before. It feels so intense, completely out of control, and I come. I’m wet, soaking wet, a little out of breath, and I slide back onto the bed, after which his cock slides back in, and he fucks me again. The world ceases to exist; all I can do is moan, pant, and enjoy as he thrusts me from one orgasm to the next.
After this turbulent first encounter, which turned out to be just the beginning, we took a break for a wonderful massage. Still lingering and recovering from all the orgasms and new experiences, I let myself be indulged by his tenderness and gentle massaging hands. So incredibly wonderful and special. Your body is so sensitive then, and everything feels twice as intense. The soft music in the background, the candles… everything was so perfect. This extensive, relaxing massage effortlessly transitioned into an erotic, body-to-body massage. I was pushed to my limits, and I couldn’t help but become aroused again.
Journey of discovery
Lying on my back, I feel René slide down. He spreads my legs, and for the first time in years, I feel a tongue caressing my clit. The intensity.. Normally, to reach clitoral orgasm, I need a powerful vibration, like a toy or something, but René clearly knew what he was doing, and I could scream with pleasure. Oh. I can’t take it all in, everything is so intense, so delicious, so exciting, so horny and I’m completely letting myself go. I’m overwhelmed like a tsunami, and he keeps stimulating me with his hands, his cock, toys, and everything else. I’m completely out of this world, and the orgasms are uncountable, because I can’t help but enjoy myself, moan, pant, and cry out his name. It was one big journey of discovery, a journey of new experiences, the details of which I won’t even go into…
Afterglow
Afterward, we lie comfortably in each other’s arms, enjoying the afterglow and recovering, and I feel wonderfully at ease as we chat a bit. I feel wonderfully fulfilled. I’d had many fantasies beforehand, but this experience is so intense; it’s impossible to imagine it with just anyone. How many times, while masturbating and fantasizing, I’d thought, “Oh…don’t kid yourself, there’s no man who can give you this.” But that’s not the case; with René, you get so much more… Slowly, our bodies recover. I feel excited at the thought that he might fulfill my tentative wish (which I’d written to him about, and which ended up being a yes-no story)…
Anal sex
I kiss and caress his beautiful, muscular body, which excites me so immensely, and I take his cock into my mouth – that cock that satisfies me so immensely – while René revealed me what he’s going to do to me. I feel myself giving him an even more passionate blowjob, and I’m enjoying it. Everything that sometimes seemed too exciting via email is now what I’m eagerly anticipating: anal sex. Yes, I want nothing more than for this man to fill all my holes, and nothing more than for him to initiate me into anal sex.
He lays me on my back and prepares me for the new adventure. I feel his generously lubricated finger gently slide inside. And not just his finger, also the slightly cool lube feels wonderful in my ass. It’s so new, but also so spectacular and exciting. He senses my relaxation and that it’s going well, and that’s something he also keeps asking me. Yes, it’s going well, very well, in fact. He places a pillow under my ass, pushes my legs up, and presses his cock against my asshole. He presses gently, gently sliding in, deeper and deeper, until he’s completely inside me, watching me to see if it’s going well. So soft, so firm, and tender all at once, yet so intense…
Hot & delicious
He gives me the necessary chance to adjust; pain overwhelms me, as if my body suddenly realizes there’s something big and hard in my ass. After René’s reassuring words that I just have to accept this for a moment, I let it happen. I realize how much I trust him and how completely at ease I feel with him. I look at him and suddenly there’s an indescribable feeling. The pain turns into an overwhelming sensation, as if I’ve taken a heavy hit of drugs, which now courses through my body (not that I’ve ever done drugs, but I can’t describe it any other way). I feel lightheaded, lift off, and experience the greatest pleasure ever! I hear my voice in the distance calling, “Fuck me!” and let myself be taken anally with immense pleasure.
It’s a sensation I can’t place and that I’ve never experienced before, and all I know is that it’s incredibly hot and delicious!! I wanted to experience anal play because it would give me mental satisfaction; being taken in every hole, surrendering myself completely. But it’s so much more. Physically, it’s so intense, so satisfying, and it ignited a fire inside me. I feel him thrusting into me, and it feels so good, like my whole body is being fucked. It feels heavenly, and I feel myself rising and can’t help but come hard. It’s so intense, in fact, that I squirt! I feel the wetness running down my now-sensitive pussy lips, along his thrusting cock, something that excites me so immensely that I have another orgasm. My body trembles, gasping for breath from this overwhelming experience.
Truly special
I feel deflowered, I feel wonderfully taken, and I feel like the happiest woman in the world. He carefully slips out of me. I wash myself and crawl into his arms – so blissful!!!! We chat a bit, recounting the special moment I’ve just experienced with him. Yes, René has the gift of reading you and making you feel truly special, and he only goes as far as you let him. He listens to your body and what it tells, without you having to say it with words, and he never oversteps a boundary.
But it’s not over yet. He continues to pleasure me, culminating in a climax: coming together. While he lies down, I sit in front of him, positioned as he has me. His fingers are inside me, and I jerk him off. Moving together in a vigorous rhythm, we both cum, squirting. So wonderful to enjoy ourselves together like this… I realized I’d never jerked off a man before and savored how everything flowed so naturally and effortlessly. Everything is right, everything is allowed to be there. Everything with René feels natural, good, and incredibly exciting.
Intimacy
We lie there, enjoying the afterglow, and I realize it’s already late and that I have to go. I take a quick shower, and a light moan escapes me as I run my hands over my deliciously fucked body. No spot is left unloved; it just feels so good… Meanwhile, René has gotten dressed, and we chat a bit more to round things off nicely. While we chat, he peels the tangerines I brought for us and eats them all. I came for the sex, but René gave me so much more; I effortlessly gained intimacy as well.
Back home, it turns out my story isn’t over yet. Since I’d just come out of a burnout and wasn’t feeling completely stable yet, it turned out I’d gained a lot in that area as well. I was radiant again, felt confident and resilient in every way, and able to completely unwind.
I sit next to my sweetheart on the couch and caress his cheek. He looks at me in amazement and says, “You’re so sweet!” I smile back. The sexual frustration is gone. He can be who he is, and I can be who I am. I can be soft and tender with him again, and my anger has subsided. It’s okay, no man can seduce me anymore; the danger is over. It’s my secret; no one has to know, and no one has to judge. It is what it is…
Paradise
And you know, if I were single, I would book René too, because you have to treat yourself to lovemaking like this, to discover how beautiful and wonderful it can be. Spending hours in paradise – how fantastic is that! René is the most beautiful gift a woman can give herself. The smile never leaves my face, and I’m so grateful for this memory, which I can return to at any moment…
L.