Sex after losing a partner

Tiny, March 2022

After losing my partner about two years ago – and with our sexual relationship having faded in the years before – my desire for sex had more or less disappeared. Thankfully, we never stopped sharing love.

 

Plunge

Eventually, around the age of 50, I began to miss intimacy and sex. After talking it over with friends, doing some reading, and giving it a lot of thought, I decided to take the plunge and start looking online.

 

Because it had been such a long time, I deliberately looked for someone who I knew would put my pleasure and experience first: a gigolo. The idea felt both exciting and freeing. A gigolo is completely focused on your enjoyment, without the stress of disappointing lovers or unmet expectations, the kind of hassle that often comes with dating apps, Tinder, and the like.

 

Out of passion..

The information on René’s website really spoke to me. In one of the articles, I read that he works as a gigolo mostly out of passion and enjoyment. That stood out to me. He came across as very gentle and kind. And thankfully, at 45, he wasn’t as young as many of the other men I’d come across during my search.

 

After some hesitation, I sent him a message – and got a reply fairly quickly, along with some fun photos. Just taking that first step felt so exciting! We set a date..

 

On the afternoon of our appointment, the doorbell rang. René came up the stairs with a large suitcase full of things for what would become a truly wonderful afternoon of shared pleasure. We greeted each other with a kiss and a hug. Standing in front of me was a slim, athletic man, about my height, with a warm, open face and a lovely smile. He spoke easily, with a calm, relaxed energy. We chatted for a bit and had some coffee. The ice broke quickly, the nerves faded, and suddenly, it didn’t feel scary at all.

 

After our coffee, R. took the initiative and went to the bedroom to set everything up the way he liked it. It felt as though he was gently taking over the space – and I was completely okay with that. Even though I wasn’t nervous anymore, everything still felt a little bit exciting.

 

Incense and candles

He laid a water-resistant sheet and a large, soft bath towel over the mattress, lit some incense and candles, and placed various items within easy reach. I drew the curtains and dimmed the room, then joined him in the bedroom, where he invited me to lie down on my stomach, still in my lingerie.

 

R. had also undressed down to his boxers and got into bed with me. He began softly stroking and teasing my skin, planting gentle kisses along my back. He was warm, tender, and incredibly sweet.

 

Slowly, his touch grew firmer, and the massage oil began to flow generously. My bra came off, and he gently slid my slip up between my buttocks. The massage grew more intense and arousing, and occasionally R. would reach to the side of my breasts or casually brush between my legs. He half-sat on me and used one knee to gently part my legs. His knee pressed firmly between my legs and pushed against my pussy and clit wonderfully tight. I felt the pressure and found it hard to stay still. Our now naked bodies were completely smooth and glistening with oil, and every now and then, he would glide his entire body over my back and hips, which was very overwhelming and arousing. There was a steady throbbing of anticipation between my legs, and I felt myself getting very wet already.

 

After that wonderful massage, René asked me to get up and get on my hands and knees in front of him. I loved it – it felt exciting to have someone gently but firmly take control and tell me what to do.

 

Anticipation

My bed is quite high, and he stood behind me as he put on a condom.
So I stood there for a while, waiting, completely ready for what was about to happen. The pause, the anticipation: it was incredibly thrilling! He crawled onto the bed and took a firm hold of my hips, leaned over my back and briefly fingered me from underneath. I was incredibly turned on and ready for some serious fun, I could hardly wait..

 

He pressed himself against me and slowly, steadily slid his cock all the way into me. He pushed himself against me and slowly but steadily pushed his cock all the way inside me. The feeling was divine, it was wonderful to be completely filled again. After a slow start, he began to thrust deeper and faster, pushing me forward until I nearly collapsed onto the bed. Deeper still. More intense. Then I rolled over and R. began fingering me again, caressing, squeezing and gently play with me. We also kissed wonderfully. R. has beautiful, full, soft lips that kiss and nibble so well.

 

During lovemaking, he bit my nipples and sucked them vigorously. It hurt just a little, but I loved it, it turned me on like crazy. They stayed sensitive for days after, all the sucking and nibbling had left a delicious, sweet ache. Every now and then at work the other day, I’d secretly squeezed my tender nipples, and that familiar thrill would rush through my body all over again. Mmm…my naughty little secret.

 

Touched and kissed..

That’s how we continued. R. also gave the front of my body a thorough massage. My feet, legs, pussy, clit, belly, breasts and face, everything was touched and kissed beautifully.

 

The massage naturally flowed into passionate lovemaking again. It seemed to excite René that I – the dark-haired, somewhat reserved French professor that I am – who now lay beneath him, moaning without shame, enjoying the thrilling fantasy of the sex she’d have with interns and other men from work and knowing she’d simply be back at her desk the next day. The arousal she surrendered to was invisible to her colleagues, but still simmered beneath her clothes.

 

Having these two sides, these two faces, turned me on deeply. My neat and respectable side – no one would ever suspect anything ‘trashy’ about me. But there’s also that hidden, more raw and uninhibited side, where I let myself fully enjoy sex, and surrender to pleasure without shame. Moaning, surrendering to the moment, legs stretched wide – the thrill is unlike anything else.

 

G-spot

R. tried to hit my G-spot by thrusting his cock up a little while I lay on a pillow, raising my hips. So not necessarily deep thrusts, but mostly from a different angle, directed toward my belly. The feeling was intense, but my G-spot hadn’t been awakened yet. Then he started fingering me again – everything was so soft and smooth, and he gently put a little vibrator in my pussy. It was sensationally delicious; one big body orgasm, that’s how I have to describe it.

 

René told me to lie down in a certain position, then placed two fingers in my pussy and went to find my G-spot. He moved both fingers firmly and quickly up and down, and suddenly I felt like I really had to pee. R. said that was perfect and told me to completely let go, not to hold back that feeling. Letting go. He pressed harder and faster, and suddenly everything was soaking wet.

 

I had squirted! This was something I had never experienced before. He spread the liquid over my stomach and breasts and put his soaked fingers in my mouth; it tasted sweet. Squirt, fuck, squirt, fuck, it kept going on and on after that. As soon as he stimulated me, it was that moment again. It was incredibly hot – that passion and surrender, the interplay of bodies, and the intimacy and warmth I felt so deeply all at once, everything I had missed so much…I could still feel it. And I loved it!

 

Swingers club

I lay with my shoulders and head hanging over the edge of the bed, and we kept fantasizing together. While René was penetrating me – both hard and tenderly – he told me that if I liked the idea too, he’d love to take me to a swingers club with him. That I’d enjoy it so much, how men would find me irresistible, and how I’d be completely indulged.

 

We talked about what I’d like to do, what my fantasies were, and we also fantasized about one man after another taking turns fucking me. In the position I was lying in, R. took me the way those men would. He described how it would go: “And then comes number one – he can’t control himself,” (thrust, thrust, ahhh, done), and then, “Now the next one – this one fucks your pussy, hard and deep,” (in, out , hard thrusts), and so on. That kind of talk, those kinds of scenarios.

 

An imaginary man, or three or four, it kept going like that. My fantasy of being touched and taken by several men, one after the other, fit so perfectly with our love game. And going to a swingers club could actually make that fantasy come true. It would be amazing to experience that with René. And honestly….incredibly horny.

 

Soft kisses

We regularly slowed things down a little, creating a beautiful space for cuddling, tenderness, soft kisses, and gentle caresses. A moment to simply be together. Everything already felt so familiar, it was truly beautiful. Soon, however, the itch returned, and R. started stimulating my G-spot again and fucking me, while I used a large vibrator on myself. The vibrator lay tucked between our bellies, and the big vibrating head pressed firmly against my clit, while René tenderly took me.

 

What an intensity – so full of delicious feelings and pleasure. We had been making out for at least two hours and I was blowing René and jerking him of. I could only half keep it up; what he was doing to me was far too overwhelming to truly focus on his satisfaction.

 

Luckily, I didn’t feel that René – that great connoisseur – was missing anything on our date. I had the impression he was enjoying it just as much as I was. He told me he loved everything about me; my wonderfully soft body, my pussy, my fantasies, the fun we had in bed, all of it. He also said that I would undoubtedly have the time of my life in a club, and that men would be more than happy to make love to me.

 

Squirting

The afternoon was already moving along, and after a bit more cuddling and making out, I gave R. another blowjob and jerked him off. As I knelt on the bed above him, he fingered me and made me squirt one more time, and we both came wonderfully.

 

We rested peacefully in each other’s arms for a while. What a total experience. I’ve always been lucky with bed partners and have enjoyed good sex over the years, but never before have I experienced it so fully – with my pleasure truly taking center stage – as I did with René. It was a deeply satisfying afternoon, so very lovely, and I’m really glad I found the courage to make an appointment with him.

 

While we were still dozing for a little while, my cat climbed onto the bed to see what was going on. That sweetheart…just like me, she hadn’t seen this kind of action in years!

 

Sexually satisfied

Finally, R. went to take a shower. I slipped into something cozy and comfortable and checked myself in the mirror. A little tired, but sexually satisfied – a happy, slightly disheveled face with smudged makeup looked back at me. I laughed… it had been a long time since I’d seen myself like that.

 

Earlier in the day, I had picked up all kinds of treats at an Indonesian toko, which we were now enjoying, we were really hungry. Over dinner, we talked, among other things, about visiting a swingers club, and how René and I wouldn’t just have a great time there, but that he would also look out for my safety when it came to sex with other men. For example, making sure they used a fresh condom, or didn’t go from one vagina to mine with unwashed fingers, and so on. I told him I’d like to go there with him sometime.

 

We wrapped things up, and I gave him the envelope with the agreed amount. After a few very lovely and fun hours, René left with a sweet hug. That evening, I had trouble falling asleep – too many thoughts and the adrenaline was still running through my body.

 

Role play

In the meantime, I had a wonderful second date with René. I thought it couldn’t get any better, but this second meeting was actually even more enjoyable and satisfying than the first. I think it was because we knew each other a little better. Every minute of those hours together was so delicious and so full of desire. Pleasure everywhere!

 

Before our date, I had suggested an exciting scenario where René wouldn’t just ring my doorbell but would break into my house and ‘surprise’ me while I was supposedly asleep – naturally, with all the naughty consequences that come with it.

 

It was so exciting, and I was softly giggling in bed when the front door opened and I heard a bit of quiet rustling in the living room. The ‘burglar’ slipped into bed behind me, pressing up against my warm, naked body. I couldn’t help but laugh again from the nerves, slipping a little out of character. But oh well, there has to be room for a little laughter during love play!

 

Still, I was immediately blindfolded and tied up as punishment for my giggles. And to keep me quiet, the burglar placed his cock in my mouth, and put clamps on my nipples. God, what a brutal robbery…how awful…not! Ringing neighbors’ doorbells to get into my apartment building, finding the hidden front door key, sneaking in quietly; just like me, René thought it was all great fun and incredibly exciting to do.

 

After-dinner…

The hours after that role play were once again amazing and delicious. Basically, think of date one – but this time with even more familiarity, which, for me, made it all the more enjoyable. After dinner, which we had ordered in this time, we quickly undressed and got back into bed for some lazy, after-dinner lovemaking. While I was playing with my pussy, R. jerked off and came all over my breasts. Mmmm, so porny…

 

Making love for so long and with such abandon sent tingles through my body and sharpened all my senses. Every caress, little love bite, lick, kiss, every intrusion and squeeze felt incredibly intense. What a sensation. I want this more often; it’s addictive. The way René can love, fuck, suck – how he keeps going, trying all kinds of things for so long, without rushing toward his own climax – it’s truly amazing. A real blessing!

 

Safe and at ease

Before our appointment, I had sent René, along with the burglary scenario, a list of my other wishes, fantasies, things I’m comfortable with, and a few boundaries. This way, he gets to know me better sexually, and things can only get even hotter between the sheets. Sometimes a “don’t” might even turn into a “do.” I feel very safe and at ease with René, and if there’s anyone I’d dare to push my sexual boundaries with, it’s him. Only time will tell.

 

Thank you, René – thanks to you, everything is flowing again. I’m enjoying myself again! I feel truly alive.